black ages

it feels like your being choked and your powerless to stop it, like a huge weight is on you and you cant life it, and all you want to do is cry and scream and break stuff. I dont know what it is about this place maybe the fact that nothing positive has ever happened since I've moved here. heart ache and rejection, check, mental hospitals, check, dead end jobs, check, no friends, check. everything that could possibly go wrong in a young girls life has gone wrong for me here. it feels like im suffocating and all i want is a way out. and i dont think im being overly dramatic or out of line, my feelings are my feelings and no one will understand them because no one else is me. i should have just been miserable for another four months just so i wouldn't have had to come back to this hell hole. i was happy, i had friends and a social life, i wasn't confined to the four walls of a room that is more like a storage now than my own room i felt like it was the one place where i was accepted and now i feel like a piece of my soul is gone, my whole heart was left in Orlando, and yeah maybe i am being overly dramatic with the wardrobe changes, the overly black eyeliner and nails but i guess I'm just paying homage to the way i feel right now, I'll call it my black ages.